


Zombie, Zombie, Zombie, Monster?

by oh_my_lord_its_sans



Category: Underfell (AU), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Blood, F/M, Fluff, Guns, Mechanic reader, Robots, So much dumb shit is gonna ensue, Swearing, Underfell, Well - Freeform, Zombies, asking nicely to not be killed, especially uf bara sans, honestly such a slut for bara sans, i should really work on my other works but honestly i dont care lmao im so lazy, immune to zombies, reader's speech pattern based loosely on mine, to bites anyway- itll hurt like a bitch though, updated when i can be asked so don't expect regular updates, yknow the drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:54:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_my_lord_its_sans/pseuds/oh_my_lord_its_sans
Summary: It's hard living in a zombie apocalyse, even when immune to those fuckers. It gets lonely, it gets hungry and it sure as hell gets annoying.However, monsters are also a pain in the ass. Especially the one that saves your ass and then sticks to your ass like glue. Or you stick to his. Either way, it's gonna be one hell of a ride.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I need to work on my other in progress stuff, like gag and doc and all that but i do love me some underfell sans in places where they all gon die so let me live

When they arrived, it was too late. There were zombies everywhere, and the remaining were incredibly wary of everything. Paranoia was the only thing you could find in a human, except excruciating pain. The pain of losing family, the pain of a bite. The pain of wondering what they were like before they were zombies as you shot them in the head, taking them out, one by one. The pain of remembering the happier old times. The times where there were no zombies, and you were a healthy, happy and young 19-year-old woman with a knack for fixing and crafting things. You remembered happily fixing cars, getting dirty hands, fixing that pipe and stopping the water from going everywhere with a cheerful smile, making that bionic arm and letting out a cry of excitement and joy when you got it to wave at you. Then you remembered your mysterious, but loving scientist parents. You remembered how your mother made pancakes every Saturday, god, they were delicious. And how your father would compliment and get all excited about your newest invention. And your brother... heh, he was a pain in the ass but you loved him to bits.  
  
Then you remembered when the zombies started to appear and they, being the army and the government, started handing out guns in Britain. Guns were illegal here, back then. It was confusing, terrifying, panic-inducing and painful. The cold, hard metal of a shotgun being shoved into your arms and the short, strict instructions on how to use the said shotgun. You remember the panic-stricken faces of your parents and your older brother. Your mother had been, surprisingly, the first one to snap out of shock. She had come over and grabbed your arm, fear eminent in her eyes. Your father had then nodded to her, and suddenly you were being dragged into the basement/lab...  
  
  
You didn't know how many years it had been since then, or how old you are now, but if you were to hazard a guess you'd probably be around 23. You had no goal, nothing but to stay alive. Right at this second, you were scavenging for food. It was a tedious task, but you couldn't leave it for much longer. You were running incredibly low on food supplies and the nearest supermarket was over three miles away. Only a few months prior you had found a cottage which had obviously been prepped for such an occasion, all the windows were barred and blocked, the door had a ridiculous amount of locks and barricades. There was a load of ammo and guns in the bedroom, which you had taken gladly after thoroughly checking the entire house. You really did love those doomsday prepper types, and even though you weren't exactly what people might call optimistic anymore but even you saw the bright side to things sometimes.  
You loaded your favoured shotgun and pointed it ahead. You crept forwards, making the least amount of noise possible. You glanced at the ground, just to make you weren't about to step on a dead body- you know, the usual. You trod carefully to avoid stepping on something that could give away your location to the hoard of zombies on your left, as you were unsure of your ability to take out that many. With a partner, maybe, but not on your own.  
  
Just as you thought that you saw one of the zombies slowly turn it's rotting head in your direction and it let out a blood-curdling shriek. You sprinted away from it practically shitting yourself as all the zombies surrounding it turned as well. You may be unable to get infected, but you were still very able of being killed and would really appreciate it if you didn't get bitten because _being bit hurts like a bitch._  
  
You turned, firing your gun at the closest one, a fiery redhead that would've once been very attractive had it not been for all the rotting flesh. A tree was close by and although it was a horrible idea, it seemed like it was the only idea that gave you any chance of survival; chances of which were slimming by the second. You slung your shotgun over your shoulder and pelted for the tree, taking a running leap for the lowest branch. You were thankful for the strength in your upper arms as you hauled yourself up with your legs dangling as zombies lumbered after you, gurgling. They grabbed for your feet, which made you cry out as you nearly lost your balance and you put yourself into a seated position, breath heaving. You climbed higher into the tree, unsure of what to do now. If you tried to pick them off, one by one, it could draw more attention to yourself, and although you had a lot of ammo you weren't sure if you had quite enough for all of them. If you tried to wait it out you could be stuck up there for days, and although you did bring along a little food, it wouldn't be enough to last more than two days, let alone enough for a whole hoard of zombies- at least 50 of them. So what are you going to do?  
  
You begged soundlessly for mercy, for just about anyone to show up because you needed help and you needed it now. You pulled out a pistol, locked and loaded, and started shooting. It was a dumb idea but you were running out of options. Luck was not on your side today. Not at all. You were starting to panic because just as you thought, you were drawing more attention to yourself. But you were hoping and praying that your firing would get someone's attention and that they would do the least sensible thing and come and investigate. You knew it was hopeless but so was everything in this godforsaken world.  
  
Just as you were about to give up, you heard a rustling of a bush. Finally! Someone who could either help you or put you out of your misery. You watched, hopeful but cautious, as the person stepped out of the bushes with some sort of weapon in hand. They were short, wearing basketball shorts with a black hoodie and a red shirt that covered a wide chest.   
And then they started swinging.  
  
Their weapon looked sort of like a spiked club, but with a white-yellow hue. Maybe birch or something? Every time they hit a zombie, it's head would fly a couple of metres. They slowly made their way through the zombies, swinging deliberately and with precision. Once they had finished the ones surrounding your tree, they looked up.  
  
Huh, so, uhm. That's what a monster looks like.

 

* * *

  
  
The second you saw it you pointed your pistol at it. You had reloaded it whilst it was making its way through the zombies, just in case they were a crazed maniac who was going to kill you afterwards. And, as much as it may still be a crazed maniac (it probably was), that's not what you were worried about any more. It was a monster. Cruel, bloodthirsty monsters with their evil magic and torturous ways. It smiled up at you, a golden tooth reflecting the sunshine.  You were at an impasse now.  
  
Climb down the tree (and probably die) or stay until he leaves (heh, probably will still die but at least you made a pun beforehand)?  
  
Obviously, you had to get down. You couldn't wait it out, you were starving and didn't want to waste food, and c'mon you ain't no bloody wimp. Plus, you did actually have manners and you knew not to judge a book by it's cover. You scrambled down the tree praying that you didn't fall and embarrass yourself. If you were honest, this monster would be the first actual living interaction you'd have in months. Immunity sucks like that. Being _that_ character in zombie movies sucked so much because let's face it if you were able to be zombified then at least you'd have a mass of other mindless friends with the same drive as you. Sometimes you thought about how really, you and the zombies were more or less alike. All you both wanted to do was survive. Which then made you sort of depressed, as comparing your self to the living dead does that.  
  
"Wassup, I'm ______. Don't kill me please?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sans is the name, Sans the Skeleton. Ya could at least take me out ta dinner before defilin' me, sugar."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao my chapter updates are so sporadic
> 
> Sup guys, I'm back again. I'm actually in the middle of writing yet another fic because I am uncapable to stick to just one or two- no I have to write a new story for every goddamn idea i have.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

The monster blinked at you for a second, before letting out a hearty guffaw. It had a deep baritone, and up close you noticed that it had little red pinpricks in its eye sockets. Its teeth were a lot sharper than you originally thought, and you saw a glimpse of a red glow from inside its mouth. A tongue maybe? From a scientific point of view, this was fucking awesome. From a regular 23 year old's view, this was fucking terrifying and a little gross if you were honest. The club(?) dissipated from its hands, and you took note that it did actually have several guns on it, each with a little goat/dragon skull-type emblem. That same emblem was etched on its jacket- which resembled a parka more than a hoodie. This monster was actually a very interesting specimen, and you were tempted to see how he works, ask so many questions- was his bones more like humans, or more flexible? Did it have a literal brain- it was obviously sentient, which all monsters were to your understanding. But did it have all the reactions like a human would? Could they speak English? It laughed at your comment, so it clearly understood you. Did it have a gender? Could it speak and form words? It didn't seem to have any lips so how would that work?  
While you were studying the monster, it had stopped laughing and was just sort of raising its bone-brow at the human which seemed to be examining him. Were you aware that you were mumbling to yourself? He smirked and waved his hand in front of your face, and instead of snapping out of the haze you seemed to be in, you grabbed his hand. You started to press down on each metacarpal, humming with satisfaction. Then you poked a finger through the gap between his radius and ulna.  
  
"Ouch, d'y'all always treat strangers ya just met like this? Or am I jus' a special case? Didn't even get a thank ya for savin' ya ass," its voice brought you out of your thoughts and back into reality. You let go of its hand hurriedly, blushing slightly as you grabbed at the back of your neck.  
"Sorry, sorry. Please forgive my rudeness but really I'm a scientist at heart and me parents were too. You're like, the first monster I've ever so you're like, hella interesting to me, y'know? I would love to find out how you work and- oh, I didn't catch your name?" You were rambling, you knew, but you just had to know more about this monster and you hoped that it would indulge you. It gave you a smirk, one that showed off a spiky, golden tooth flaunting it.  
"Sans is the name, Sans the Skeleton. Ya could at least take me out ta dinner before defilin' me, sugar. Plus, I'm a scientist too, so course I'll indulge ya a lil' but be prepared for a lil' touchin' from me too," he winked at that last part, you lit up- of course he could find out what it was like to be human! It delighted you that you had found a like-minded person, and you couldn't wait to find out all the dirty details.  
"Aw shit, I actually came out here to get some food- thanks for saving my ass back there by the way- aw but I wanna stay and talk to you as well... but food is important... also, what actually is your gender? I sort of assumed male from your voice but I don't wanna assume," you grabbed his arm and started marching in the direction of the nearest supermarket. "Wait, are you gonna kill me? I didn't even check you just started laughing when I said it and honestly I'm not sure whether I should be afraid or not but you seem friendly enough and you sorta answered my prayers- and I'm not even religious! Science and religion don't really mix. But you know that, Mr Science Guy. I'm actually more of a mechanic than I am a scientist, but even then all I wanna do is find out what you do and how! Like, are-"  
"Jeez kid, d'you ever shuddup? I get that its excitin' and all but yanno you've been yappin' on for ages. Ta answer ya questions, I'm a guy- gotta dick, ain't gonna kill ya cause why would I save ya if I was jus' gonna kill ya after. That's a bit too much effort if ya ask me. Zombies may be slow but they hella efficient. Also what happened to that depressed ass look you had up in tha' tree? And where you takin' me? I feel like these are valid fuckin' questions,"  
"So you tell me to 'shuddup' and yet you just went a small ramble. Of course I was depressed as fuck, I was about to bloody die. Actually, been depressed like that for some time. Well, not depressed- more paranoid and you're the first interaction I've had in long. We're going food shopping. Well, more kinda shoplifting but at this point who cares? There have been zombies for at least four years and this girl needs her nutrients. So we're gonna need a hell of a lot of cans. Especially now that you're with me! Actually, do you even need to eat?"  
"Yeah, course I do. How else didja think I'm supposed ta refill me magic?"  
"I dunno,"  
"Holy shit, that's the shortest answer you've given me since we met- apart from no answer that is." You let out a small laugh and continued to walk in a relatively quick pace towards the market. "Anyways, why canned food, and not just normal food like a regular person?" He gave you a confused look, only for you to give one straight back.  
"Cause, food goes off? Like, it goes bad? And canned foods either don't go off, or take a long ass time. Sugar doesn't go off either actually-"  
"Wait, wait no go back. Human food goes bad?"

 

* * *

  
  
Initially, he wasn't going to help you. Initially, he was just going to walk on without attracting the hoard of zombies which was surrounding the tree you were perched in. It made things easier if he just walked away. However, when he saw the look on your face, a mix between hopelessness yet a driven determination to live, to survive. It was as if you wanted to live but had accepted that you probably wouldn't make it through this one. He had groaned, muttered "fuck ya and yer stupid sad face", and materialised a spiked bone club. He twirled it and rested it onto his shoulder. He pushed his way through the bush, flicked his hood over his head, and grinned maniacally at the zombies surrounding your tree. He raised his club and swung aiming straight for the disgusting rotting heads. He held a lot of power behind his swings, so their heads flew relatively far he noted with gross satisfaction. His bone bat was getting covered in blood, same said for his hoodie, and he was grateful for the hood covering most of his face blocking the blood from reaching it. The blood slowly ran down the waterproof outer layer. Turns out, waterproof is also blood-proof and he was glad that at least he wasn't constantly covered in blood. That would have been gross, even by his standards.  
  
Once he was through the hoard of zombies, he looked up at you, sitting in that tree looking relieved. As he did, his hood slipped down his head, showing the girl what he really looked like. You weren't pleased, that was for sure. You actually looked scared. You hadn't looked scared while surrounded, just hopeless. From the looks of it, it was probably the first time you had seen a monster and had clearly heard the rumours. Sure, he was ruthless, but he wasn't a dick. He stared at the pistol pointed at him, and cocked his head sideways, as if to say "really? Yer gonna shoot ya saviour?" He smiled up at you, letting his golden tooth catch the sunlight, and watched as you worked through whatever inner conflict you were going through. You made up your mind apparently, as you shoved your pistol in its holster and rather ungracefully scrambled down the tree. Clearly, getting into the tree was a lot easier than getting down. As you walked towards him, a flash of weariness and sorrow appeared in your expression. It was there for a second, before disappearing. You gave him a half smile, before opening your mouth.  
  
"Wassup, I'm ______. Don't kill me please?" He blinked, confused for a second before letting out a laugh as if he'd kill the first living gal he'd seen in a while. While he calmed down, you seemed to be examining him. Sizing him up. However, you seemed to be deep in your thoughts- maybe examining him? He waved his hand in front of your face, slightly taken aback when you grabbed it and poked around. Then you poked a finger between his forearm, running a finger up the inside of his radius. Forcing down the blush and the moan that threatened to spill from his mouth, he instead decided that it was time to wake you the fuck up.  
"Ouch, d'y'all always treat strangers ya just met like this? Or am I jus' a special case? Didn't even get a thank ya for savin' ya ass," This seemed to bring you out of your stupor, letting go and moving your hands away from his, one going to the back of your neck the other held up in a surrendering motion.  
"Sorry, sorry. Please forgive my rudeness but really I'm a scientist at heart and me parents were too. You're like, the first monster I've ever so you're like, hella interesting to me, y'know? I would love to find out how you work and- oh, I didn't catch your name?"  You spoke proper in places, whereas in others your words slurred together. He smirked, if you were so willing to touch him just because you were a scientist then he'd sure as hell have his fun.  
"Sans is the name, Sans the Skeleton. Ya could at least take me out ta dinner before defilin' me, sugar. Plus, I'm a scientist too, so course I'll indulge ya a lil' but be prepared for a lil' touchin' from me too," he winked, it seemed that his insinuation went a little over your head. Instead, you seemed happier than anything else that he'd basically given his permission for you to touch him up and learn his anatomy, but not in the way he'd made it sound like. However, he did actually want to learn more about you and your actual body- how did your skin feel? How did your muscles feel under your skin? Would he be able to feel your bones in some places? Was your hair soft? All these questions ran through his mind, and another thing he took note of is that even though you were in a zombie apocalypse you seemed clean, your hair had a sheen that wasn't due to grease. It wasn't hard to tell that you had a beefed up house somewhere with working water. After he had given permission, you went on a ramble, apparently unable to stop the verbal flow that was sprouting from your mouth. You grabbed him, pulling you along with him, and he didn't resist. He did question you though.  
  
Apparently, human food could go off hence canned food. That's what you said to him anyways. Man, it sure sucked to be human. So, he was shoplifting with a human he just met. Nothing like a good ol' bit of crime to bring two people together.


End file.
